Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
