the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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