imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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