Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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