I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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