At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
