I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
