I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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