I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
