Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
