FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
