dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it was like having sex with a tree stump
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
