Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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