How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
