we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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