sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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