nut hugger
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
