I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
