So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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