I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize