You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
