Define "chronic" masturbator.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I love you.
Bad choice
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
