her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
