i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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