roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
