He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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