Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
