i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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