The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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