i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
