i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize