He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
