Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
