i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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