ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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