You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
