20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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