My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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