Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
