How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
