She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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