i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
