You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
