; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize