Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
