At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
