I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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