I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
