I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize