I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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