Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
