hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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