Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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