Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
