went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
