I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
