I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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