If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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