I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
