saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
