It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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