the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
