i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
