i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize