I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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