Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
