Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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