Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
