I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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