I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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