He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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