I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize