absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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