Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
