Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
