exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
