these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
