so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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