Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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