He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize