Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
