What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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