apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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