did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
