We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize