i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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