how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
