she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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