you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
