omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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