i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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