I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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