i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
