the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize