I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
